I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
