can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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