I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
