That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who put my cat in the fridge?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
