Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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