I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
