Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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