He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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