I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
