I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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