its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
