I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
