I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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