Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My bed smells like the plague
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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