just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
