You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
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You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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