Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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