Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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