we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
