Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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