Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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