But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well you can't waste a boner
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
