dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
