If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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