dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
