Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
