so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
