i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
