just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
