he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
