dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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