The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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