im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
