Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
