Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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