Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize