you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
This house was built for laser tag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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