if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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