Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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