smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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