You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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