is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
