I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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