so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
