Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
