Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
