Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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