so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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