girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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