Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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