that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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