hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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