Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
