dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
