very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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