Whod you bang
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
