I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
