If i come over, it means nothing
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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