I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
