enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
