So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
