I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
