I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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