Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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