So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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