Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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